Grell's Diary
by MintBlue
Summary: The title is pretty self explanitory...
1. New Diary

Dear diary that I wish was Sebastian because he won't listen to me anymore,

Today I had cheese puffs for breakfast, because Will knows I hate them, and he replaced all of my food with them after I hit him with Ciel's pimp cane two days ago. And I can't be bothered to go food shopping.

Anyway, Ron told me that if I write down my anger issues in here then I won't go around killing prostitutes anymore. I don't think he realized that I kill people because I'm happy. And it's not like Ron doesn't have his own issues! I swear he's been out with every girl in Dispatch at least twice. And three times for all the girls that work in the Administrative Division! What about me? I'm more beautiful then all of them! But I would have to say no because I know Bassy's going to ask me out soon.

So the other day I was visiting Sebastian to see if I could cut some of his hair off because I think it smells really nice, Will thinks so too, he just won't admit it because he knows that Bassy loves me and not him. I wonder what shampoo Bassy uses. Do demons even need to wash their hair? Or do they just smell really delicious naturally? I think I want to eat Sebastian, I bet he would taste really sexy. I couldn't get any of his hair anyway. He noticed me trying to cut it but then he touched my arm so I was feeling better because it smelled like him. But Will told me I smelt bad and wouldn't come near me more than usual so I washed it off. I can always go back tomorrow or something.

I've never really seen the point of signing out of your diary, like putting something like "Talk to you soon" or something stupid like that. It's not like it has feelings. It's not like it cares whether or not you write in it again. The only person who's ever going to read this is me anyway. I hope.


	2. Names and Sexy Butlers

Dear Sebastian,

Yes, I named my diary Sebastian because Ron told me that it needed to seem like I was writing to someone else about my day. He has a diary too. He called his Marie because apparently he is now obsessed with a manga called 'Hayate the Combat Butler', and Marie is the name of his favourite character.

He said that it's all about some kick ass butler called Hayate and his stupid master with lots of money called Nagi. She paid of his debt and now they are basically contracted together. I asked him if he was sure it wasn't called 'Sexy Butler and Mr. Pimp Cane' but he said that it had nothing to do with Bassy or Mr. Pimp Cane. He also said that I should read it because even though there's no Sebastian, there's still a hell of a load of sexy butlers. So now I'm hooked.

You know what else he managed to get me obsessed with? Coal. It sound really boring, but when you set it on fire it looks really pretty. I tried to put some in my hair to make it all sparkly but I found out the hard way that hair is very, VERY flammable. Good thing I tried it out on the Undertaker first. I don't think he minded though. He probably just embalmed his head or something strange like that. It would keep him occupied in his spare time!

So yeah. Thanks a lot Ron.


	3. Hair Dye

Dear Sebastian,

Guess what Will did to me. He stole my hair dye! I think he likes stealing from me. Maybe he likes trying to annoy me! Well he can't. That's like a complete role reversal thing! I just realized but he stole my job too! He's going down!

Anyway, back to the hair dye. It's almost hair dye time of the month as well. That means I have brown hair showing and I am officially not able to attend work. Yesterday Eric and Ron came round and found me lying on a table with about ten empty jars of peanut butter. But they brought beer and we had a mini party so I'm feeling a bit better now.

I was telling them about my love issues, so they gave me some really strange pick up lines that I don't really want anyone to find out about because when I used one on Sebastian he bitch slapped me and stormed off back to Mr. Unnaturally Short to tell him all about how mentally challenged I am! Who does he think he is? How can he not see the obvious chemistry we have? I told the Undertaker and he laughed so he gave me some free biscuits and forgave me for setting his hair on fire.

I was really worried that he was going to stop letting me stare at his face for hours on end, which is a lot easier now that he doesn't have any hair.


	4. Shrine of Grellness

**I got a review so I'm updating to show my gratitude to that kind person. Thank you very much!**

* * *

Dear Sebastian,

Will took me to a theme park to make up for stealing from me. It was to DIE for! I'm super glad he apologized to me because I really didn't want to destroy the love between us. I hope that he can see that too.

I bet that he goes home and worships a gorgeous super sized photo of me that he framed and put on his bedroom wall. If he does, should that make me concerned? Or should I use the magical Internet to find his house and surprise him with a whole bunch of Grell merchandise?

When I did the same for Sebastian, he burned it all and scattered the ashes all around Mr. Eye Patch's house. I can't believe he would make a shrine to me like that! I bet it sparkles in the sun like all those sexy vampires I've been hearing about! But vampires are bad for business and Will told me to stay away from them... Sorry, but being sexy is far more important then what Will has to say. Even if I think Will is sexy as well...


	5. Dating

Dear Sebastian

Ron read my diary. I am clearly not a very happy, chainsaw crazed, reaper right now. He found out all about how I actually did use his pickup line, and that Will took me to the amusement park. I didn't think it would be a bad thing for me that he found that out, but now he thinks Will and I are dating.

Now I'm not saying that I don't want to date Will, who wouldn't, but when Ron asked him about it, he called me into his office and started to hit me in the centre of my beautiful face with his fist. And then his death scythe. And then MY death scythe, which, by the way, hurts a lot more than his does.

Following that, he took it away from me and reduced me back down to my measly scissors! How could he! First my hair dye, and now this! But if it means that he's going to take me out somewhere fun again then I guess I can deal with it for a week or so.


	6. Friends

**I thought that 'Snook' was a real word, but my computer told me that it was 'Sneaked'...**

* * *

Dear Sebastian,

Bassy isn't talking to me. Neither is Will. In fact, the only person talking to me is the Undertaker, and unfortunately for me, his hair has grown back and it now reaches his shoulders. And covers his face even more then last time! Why would he do that to me?

I sneaked into his shop whilst he was sleeping last night, scissors ready, for some serious hair cutting. It turns out that he doesn't sleep; he just lies in a coffin awake all night long. Who does that? He's so weird!

We fought for a while, and I accidentally on purpose gave him a new scar on his leg. He bled green blood! I was rather disappointed, you'd think that someone with such a handsome face would have pretty red blood like the gorgeous me! I think he cut himself open and put food coloring in his blood. Though I have no idea why he would ever want to change something of such a naturally wonderful color.

We made up afterwards so it's okay, I still have a friend. He listened to me talk about my problems for a few hours, and then gave me a tub of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and told me to move on because I'm too good for Bassy or Will and neither of them deserve someone as great as me.


End file.
